“In a clean bed. All to myself.”

A couple of years ago, I spent a week with Shy Guy to find out afterwords that he and I experienced the time together differently.
The last two weeks I felt as if I was wearing Shy guys socks for a change. ~ Walking in his shoes couldn’t be the case as the circumstances were too different. But maybe in an emotional way the situation was a bit similar.

About half a year ago I met a slightly younger guy (;Puppy) while on vacation. We had a little fling and I didn’t take it too serious. We kept in touch, sporadic texts. After a couple of months, he expressed that he had stronger feelings for me and wanted to spend more time together. He wanted to come visit. (A >20 hour journey)

I was too optimistic and maybe naive, because I didn’t see any harm in having him over. Even thought it would be fun. But already after two days, I had to come to the conclusion that his feelings for me were way stronger than my (almost non-existing) feelings for him. I’d become stuck in my own home, with a guy who was trying way too hard, forcing myself to make the best of it. Opening my legs for it not more than two times, before I gave up.

The experience made me think back about the week with Shy Guy; maybe he had been feeling just as trapped. Shy guy left me with a pretty negative aftertaste due to not being as straightforward to me as I would have appreciated. I had to take that as a lesson and be honest myself with Puppy.

Halfway during Puppy’s stay, I came clean and told him I didn’t think we were compatible and I explained why I felt that way. The rest of his stay, we behaved more like friends and I did my best to at least let him have a fun and meaningful experience in Europe. He was clearly disappointed, but it also allowed him to be more himself and drop the acts to please me.

He left this morning. I’m very relieved. And I can’t wait to get home later today, alone. In a clean bed. All to myself. And nobody asking me what’s on my mind when I’m just staring in the distance daydreaming.

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