Category Archives: love

“This guy was too normal for me.”

Dating in my thirties is more confusing than I had expected. You’d think that wisdom comes with age and therefore, people would be more mindful, respectful and confident. But what I found is that most 30+ singles are lost. Some singles seem desperate, others bitter, or broken, some already hit their middle-crisis… The romantic experiences have fucked us up hard. Once you’ve experienced rough heartache or a toxic relationship, maybe infidelity or betrayal, it’s difficult to keep believing in romance, or even worse, maintain confident and with that, stay attractive.

I’ve been single now for almost 9 years. Really single. I have not been exclusive with anyone since. I did fell in love once or twice. Other times I almost fell in love, but their true colors showed soon enough to bail out in time. For some short periods I’ve had friends with benefits, but I haven’t had one of those in a while now and that’s becoming a bit frustrating.
I am not interested in a serious relationship this time in my life, not sure if ever, but do have physical needs. A friend with benefits, preferably close-by, would be great. So I’ve been shopping for it, without luck. Most men turn me off.

The latest date I went on was with a guy 8 years older; tall, strong, organized, driven and located at walking distance from my place. But I learned lessons, and didn’t have any expectations when arriving. We met for drinks at a beach bar. I went for wine, he went for some special beers. But, he tried to impress too much. Conversation was okay though, he didn’t come across like an idiot, he knew how to keep me entertained with his stories. We said goodbye, kiss on the cheek, and told each other to meet again another day.

Our next date was at his place, I came over for a cup of tea. It was too awkward. He seemed a little nervous, maybe insecure or something, which doesn’t match with his physics and his professional background. His house was tidy. And the interior was VERY predictable for a bachelor his age. He met all expectations one could have from a well organized 40 year old single man. Both in what his house looks like, and also in how he spends his free time.

But what would it matter if I’m not looking for relationship material…? Sigh; for me it’s a sexual turn off when a man is predictable and non-authentic. Instead, I tend to get turned on by weirdos, guys with unique characters. Men who don’t fit a specific profile. The rare breed. Probably because I’m a weirdo too. This guy was too normal for me.

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“… he walked into the house and gestured me to follow.”

Tinder and I are in a love/hate relationship. It was yesterday that I reinstalled the app and created my account again after little over a month without. The exercise was less disappointing than previous times. There were actually some seemingly interesting guys in my radius, so plenty of matches. It had been a while that I actually used the app to chat with local guys. Previously I’d only swipe for expats or when I was abroad, as I’m generally not really into Dutch men. But there was this adventures looking local with who I matched and he started a conversation. After some chit chat, he asked me about my latest Tinder date. My reply was: “Deleted Tinder for some weeks. Had a 86 hours lasting Tinder-date in October. Needed some time to reset from that. Set up my account again today. But I’m still a bit anti. Not sure what I’m doing here really. How about you?”

Let’s go back to October:
I was on vacation in Hawaii and staying in a perfect Airbnb in a quiet area on the East side of Oahu. On a Thursday morning I sent out a random Good morning to one of the Tinder matches. Just for some local suggestions on where to go to and what to do in the neighborhood. We started chatting. Within a couple of texts back and forth we agreed to meet for coffee.

Continue reading “… he walked into the house and gestured me to follow.”

Part 52: ‘They are fun to play with before flying out again.’

It brought me tears of joy when my best friend told me her boyfriend had proposed and she said yes. She and I know each other for 18 years now and although she lives abroad for a while already, our friendship is very solid. Her future husband is an amazing guy. He really understands what an amazing woman she is.

While she is engaged now, I’ve been single for such a long time that I can’t even imagine sharing my time and living space with a guy and actually enjoy giving up the freedom I have gotten used to over the past seven years. I already have a hard time adjusting to having to care for animals when I accidentally offer to pet-sit. That’s probably why I’m single and why I only seem to have temporary romances.

Shyguy, Avocado man and Enjoy-the-ride aren’t exactly the type of guys you can introduce to your family, but they are the type of guys who really turn me on and who I have a lot of joy with when spending time with them. Even the bad boys tend to have sweet love in them and it’s the cutest thing to see happening. The moment when you see a tough guy melting for you when giving him a cute smile or when they actually start trying to be a gentlemen or act romantic even though it obviously isn’t something that comes natural to them… That really makes me want to have crazy wild sex. They are fun to play with before flying out again. In these cases literally as it either happened abroad or/and they were from abroad. I could enjoy it fully as there was never a threat I would have to give up part of my freedom when jumping into these adventures, as they would always only be temporary.

It only sucks hard when falling in love with one of these free spirits and struggling with a heavy heart even though it rationally was never a wish or executable idea to stay together forever, like the hearthache I ended up with after Shyguy.

My future looks like I will be the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Part 49: ‘…not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day.’

Impossible not to love the day of love, right? Even as a single, I love Valentine’s day. Without expectations, yet full of hope, I check my mailbox for anonymous cards, stare at my phone waiting for love declarations to come in, but they never do. This year, I would be not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day. While other years I would celebrate Valentine’s day with wine, movie, wine, sushi, more wine and optional a friend, this year, wine would not even be an option. But totally unexpected, Tuesday February 14th turned out to be the best Valentine’s day of my life so far.

The Sunday before V-day, I met up with an Australian guy who was visiting Amsterdam for a short 4 days. We had a match on Tinder and within a couple of texts back and forth, we decided to meet up.

Continue reading Part 49: ‘…not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day.’

Part 46: ‘The next morning, he gave me two massive avocados…’

It was a fun night in North Shore, Oahu, Hawaii. A night that me and my friend were just all over the place, cheerful and playful, chatting with whoever, looking nice in our cute dresses and most of all, we were getting pretty drunk. Happy drunk.

While I was on the dance floor, dancing merengue with a random volunteer, age 50, I lost track of my friend who had been dancing with a guy approximately her own age and not unattractive. Continue reading Part 46: ‘The next morning, he gave me two massive avocados…’

Part 42: “… the boyfriend replacement pack.” (Why is Generation Y still single)

When I received a phone call from my male best friend yesterday, something hit me. If a passer-by had overheard how we communicate, he or she had probably guessed we would be partners. Maybe most single women my age have a set of males/friends in their life who in a way replace a boyfriend/husband. Continue reading Part 42: “… the boyfriend replacement pack.” (Why is Generation Y still single)

After the 70 days, part 37: “… bed bunk isn’t ideal for sex”

As mentioned in my previous blog, I decided to see if a heartache can really be cured by a rebound. Solely for research purposes. The best way to get a rebound in a blink is through Tinder nowadays, so I started swiping. It didn’t take long before I found some cuties. Including some tourists. Since the purpose was to find just a rebound, I figured a tourist would be ideal. I texted one of my matches I would be able to meet up for a drink that evening. He was happy to do so and asked me for suggestions on where to meet, outside of the touristic scene. I happened to know a really nice cocktail bar, located right in the middle of our individual locations. We met at 9 PM, which was pretty late given the fact that I had work the next morning, but I had some issues with time management that day. 

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 37: “… bed bunk isn’t ideal for sex”

After the 70 days, part 36: “… the way he looked at me. Shy, naughty, sweet, sexy, all at the same time.”

 

Why is it, that when we fall in love, we start behaving like retards. At a moment where we want to show our selfs from our best side, being in love makes us blind, foolish, unfocused and behaving like morons.

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 36: “… the way he looked at me. Shy, naughty, sweet, sexy, all at the same time.”

After the 70 days, part 34; “…hanging with their mates, waiting for the surfer-horny girls”

Picture this; beautiful beaches, hot surfers, cheap delicious food, fine jewelry and fresh coconuts. And lets not forget, I’m single. Continue reading After the 70 days, part 34; “…hanging with their mates, waiting for the surfer-horny girls”