Tag Archives: romance

“This guy was too normal for me.”

Dating in my thirties is more confusing than I had expected. You’d think that wisdom comes with age and therefore, people would be more mindful, respectful and confident. But what I found is that most 30+ singles are lost. Some singles seem desperate, others bitter, or broken, some already hit their middle-crisis… The romantic experiences have fucked us up hard. Once you’ve experienced rough heartache or a toxic relationship, maybe infidelity or betrayal, it’s difficult to keep believing in romance, or even worse, maintain confident and with that, stay attractive.

I’ve been single now for almost 9 years. Really single. I have not been exclusive with anyone since. I did fell in love once or twice. Other times I almost fell in love, but their true colors showed soon enough to bail out in time. For some short periods I’ve had friends with benefits, but I haven’t had one of those in a while now and that’s becoming a bit frustrating.
I am not interested in a serious relationship this time in my life, not sure if ever, but do have physical needs. A friend with benefits, preferably close-by, would be great. So I’ve been shopping for it, without luck. Most men turn me off.

The latest date I went on was with a guy 8 years older; tall, strong, organized, driven and located at walking distance from my place. But I learned lessons, and didn’t have any expectations when arriving. We met for drinks at a beach bar. I went for wine, he went for some special beers. But, he tried to impress too much. Conversation was okay though, he didn’t come across like an idiot, he knew how to keep me entertained with his stories. We said goodbye, kiss on the cheek, and told each other to meet again another day.

Our next date was at his place, I came over for a cup of tea. It was too awkward. He seemed a little nervous, maybe insecure or something, which doesn’t match with his physics and his professional background. His house was tidy. And the interior was VERY predictable for a bachelor his age. He met all expectations one could have from a well organized 40 year old single man. Both in what his house looks like, and also in how he spends his free time.

But what would it matter if I’m not looking for relationship material…? Sigh; for me it’s a sexual turn off when a man is predictable and non-authentic. Instead, I tend to get turned on by weirdos, guys with unique characters. Men who don’t fit a specific profile. The rare breed. Probably because I’m a weirdo too. This guy was too normal for me.

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“… he walked into the house and gestured me to follow.”

Tinder and I are in a love/hate relationship. It was yesterday that I reinstalled the app and created my account again after little over a month without. The exercise was less disappointing than previous times. There were actually some seemingly interesting guys in my radius, so plenty of matches. It had been a while that I actually used the app to chat with local guys. Previously I’d only swipe for expats or when I was abroad, as I’m generally not really into Dutch men. But there was this adventures looking local with who I matched and he started a conversation. After some chit chat, he asked me about my latest Tinder date. My reply was: “Deleted Tinder for some weeks. Had a 86 hours lasting Tinder-date in October. Needed some time to reset from that. Set up my account again today. But I’m still a bit anti. Not sure what I’m doing here really. How about you?”

Let’s go back to October:
I was on vacation in Hawaii and staying in a perfect Airbnb in a quiet area on the East side of Oahu. On a Thursday morning I sent out a random Good morning to one of the Tinder matches. Just for some local suggestions on where to go to and what to do in the neighborhood. We started chatting. Within a couple of texts back and forth we agreed to meet for coffee.

Continue reading “… he walked into the house and gestured me to follow.”

Part 42: “… the boyfriend replacement pack.” (Why is Generation Y still single)

When I received a phone call from my male best friend yesterday, something hit me. If a passer-by had overheard how we communicate, he or she had probably guessed we would be partners. Maybe most single women my age have a set of males/friends in their life who in a way replace a boyfriend/husband. Continue reading Part 42: “… the boyfriend replacement pack.” (Why is Generation Y still single)

After the 70 days, part 30; 10 emotional stages you go through on Tinder.

Tinder…. Always a topic when single. Always good for bad stories, or good stories. Let’s go through 10 emotional stages you go through while playing on Tinder;

1) Joy. Funny, all these people in all shapes and sizes. Some good looking, most not so much.

2) Shock. When you pass the occasional dick pic. Continue reading After the 70 days, part 30; 10 emotional stages you go through on Tinder.

After the 70 days, part 12: ‘The emoji-confusion. He sent me the “face with heart shaped eyes”.’

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Emoji’s should clarify the meaning of a text. When we started texting, it wasn’t always clear in which voice we should read the words. Due to the absence of intonation, volume, facial expression in text messages, there was the inevitable confusion and misunderstandings. So then came the smiley. At first, it was clear what they meant. But nowadays we have tons of different emoji’s. Face expressions my human face can’t even make. And this results in us being back at where we started. Again, they leave us with confusion and misunderstandings. A NEW IMPORTANT EDIT TO THIS POST

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 12: ‘The emoji-confusion. He sent me the “face with heart shaped eyes”.’