Tag Archives: sex

“… it felt as if it was his very first time…”

It has been a while, not just the writing, but also activities to write about. My last date that resulted in action was on Valentine’s day. So that’s over 4 months ago. It was not a success. The date was, the action wasn’t.

Again a Tinder story, how else is a busy person supposed to find some bed time adventure these days… An Australian expat, which, based on my previously published statistics , would mean good sex guaranteed. Valentine’s day was on a Thursday this year. We agreed to meet in a city closer to my place than his, bit later in the evening and go on a bar crawl.

I already saw him looking around, a little lost and confused, to find the first bar on the list, a local beer brewery and bar. We greeted each other and walked in for our first drinks. We chatted, had good laughs, all easy going and fun. We continued to another beer bar, continued convo. Upgraded to a wine bar, after which we went to a cava bar. It was quiet in town, especially considering it to be Valentine’s day.  I’d expected it to be busy with couples having dinner and drinks, but it wasn’t at all. The bartenders were happy to see some happy people (the two of us) walking in late for some cava tasting. Their enthusiasm resulted in the two of us drinking a lot. Too much as I was supposed to drive myself back. I had already started to drink a lot of water, trying to stay just as sober enough to be able to drive.  When we walked out, I hinted him he’d be going back to the train station to catch his last train. I noticed he was stalling, to intentionally miss it. On our way to the train station he stopped and started kissing me. He was a decent kisser, so I decided to take him home.

Once home, we started making out on the couch. Although he had been a good kisser, all other things he did were not of great quality at all. I thought it might be because he was getting over-excited that he lost a bit of self-control. We went to my bedroom and he started to fuck me. To my unpleasant surprise, it felt as if it was his very first time having sex. He was so clumsy, spastic, a-rhythmic and didn’t seem to have any clue about the female physics.

As it was past midnight already and trains had stopped going, he had to stay the night. I dropped him off at the train station the next morning. He really took down the average score for Australian men. What a disappointment. Hopefully something good again soon to get rid of this bad memory and association with sex.

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Private statistics

After my latest romantic failure, the easiest option for some distraction and fun would be Tinder. But, statistics….

As I keep track of my romantic and sexual adventures and I now have collected the bare minimum of sufficient date to analyze; here is some insight in the results so far.

Keeping a score card originally started to see if there was some sort of resemblance based on zodiac signs. But there is none, at least not in my list. Instead, there is a clear resemblance in performance when looking at origin/nationality.

I can confidently say that Australian men are by far better in pleasing me than Europeans or Americans.

The average scores on a 1 to 10 base:

8,0 AUS
6,4 USA
6,1 EUR

Not just from my own data, but also checking with the friends who have global experience, they have similar experiences.

The main difference I’ve experienced is that the Australian men seem to be more primal and unrestrained. No fuss, taking the lead and making it a fulfilling exciting physical adventure. All Australians scored 8 or higher, apart from one. This one took down the average because he was too drunk and fell asleep on top and inside of me, obviously resulting in a low score.

European and American men tend to be too self aware, too careful and therefor out of rhythm and making it less relax, less organic and sometimes even uncomfortable. European men do seem to have the biggest, but this hasn’t resulted in a better experience overall.

Unfortunately, there are little to none Australian tourist in town in this season, so it’s wine instead.

 

Part 54: ‘The moustache was a great indication of what I had to expect for the night.’

As I’m working in Finance, where numbers rule, I made some calculations regarding my sex life and romantic adventures. The conclusion is that I have made big steps on the activity ladder in the past two years, this compared to the first twelve years after becoming sexually active. Yet, it’s easily defensible. I’m thirty, thirsty and I hate men. Most men that is. And so the rare occasions I meet a guy I don’t hate, if the opportunity to have physical pleasure presents itself, I take it.

The latest adventure was with ‘Porn Mouch’. A Tinder match. He looked Ozzy. Continue reading Part 54: ‘The moustache was a great indication of what I had to expect for the night.’

Part 52: ‘They are fun to play with before flying out again.’

It brought me tears of joy when my best friend told me her boyfriend had proposed and she said yes. She and I know each other for 18 years now and although she lives abroad for a while already, our friendship is very solid. Her future husband is an amazing guy. He really understands what an amazing woman she is.

While she is engaged now, I’ve been single for such a long time that I can’t even imagine sharing my time and living space with a guy and actually enjoy giving up the freedom I have gotten used to over the past seven years. I already have a hard time adjusting to having to care for animals when I accidentally offer to pet-sit. That’s probably why I’m single and why I only seem to have temporary romances.

Shyguy, Avocado man and Enjoy-the-ride aren’t exactly the type of guys you can introduce to your family, but they are the type of guys who really turn me on and who I have a lot of joy with when spending time with them. Even the bad boys tend to have sweet love in them and it’s the cutest thing to see happening. The moment when you see a tough guy melting for you when giving him a cute smile or when they actually start trying to be a gentlemen or act romantic even though it obviously isn’t something that comes natural to them… That really makes me want to have crazy wild sex. They are fun to play with before flying out again. In these cases literally as it either happened abroad or/and they were from abroad. I could enjoy it fully as there was never a threat I would have to give up part of my freedom when jumping into these adventures, as they would always only be temporary.

It only sucks hard when falling in love with one of these free spirits and struggling with a heavy heart even though it rationally was never a wish or executable idea to stay together forever, like the hearthache I ended up with after Shyguy.

My future looks like I will be the bridesmaid, never the bride.

Part 49: ‘…not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day.’

Impossible not to love the day of love, right? Even as a single, I love Valentine’s day. Without expectations, yet full of hope, I check my mailbox for anonymous cards, stare at my phone waiting for love declarations to come in, but they never do. This year, I would be not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day. While other years I would celebrate Valentine’s day with wine, movie, wine, sushi, more wine and optional a friend, this year, wine would not even be an option. But totally unexpected, Tuesday February 14th turned out to be the best Valentine’s day of my life so far.

The Sunday before V-day, I met up with an Australian guy who was visiting Amsterdam for a short 4 days. We had a match on Tinder and within a couple of texts back and forth, we decided to meet up.

Continue reading Part 49: ‘…not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day.’

Part 46: ‘The next morning, he gave me two massive avocados…’

It was a fun night in North Shore, Oahu, Hawaii. A night that me and my friend were just all over the place, cheerful and playful, chatting with whoever, looking nice in our cute dresses and most of all, we were getting pretty drunk. Happy drunk.

While I was on the dance floor, dancing merengue with a random volunteer, age 50, I lost track of my friend who had been dancing with a guy approximately her own age and not unattractive. Continue reading Part 46: ‘The next morning, he gave me two massive avocados…’

Part 42: “… the boyfriend replacement pack.” (Why is Generation Y still single)

When I received a phone call from my male best friend yesterday, something hit me. If a passer-by had overheard how we communicate, he or she had probably guessed we would be partners. Maybe most single women my age have a set of males/friends in their life who in a way replace a boyfriend/husband. Continue reading Part 42: “… the boyfriend replacement pack.” (Why is Generation Y still single)

After the 70 days, part 37: “… bed bunk isn’t ideal for sex”

As mentioned in my previous blog, I decided to see if a heartache can really be cured by a rebound. Solely for research purposes. The best way to get a rebound in a blink is through Tinder nowadays, so I started swiping. It didn’t take long before I found some cuties. Including some tourists. Since the purpose was to find just a rebound, I figured a tourist would be ideal. I texted one of my matches I would be able to meet up for a drink that evening. He was happy to do so and asked me for suggestions on where to meet, outside of the touristic scene. I happened to know a really nice cocktail bar, located right in the middle of our individual locations. We met at 9 PM, which was pretty late given the fact that I had work the next morning, but I had some issues with time management that day. 

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 37: “… bed bunk isn’t ideal for sex”

After the 70 days, part 36: “… the way he looked at me. Shy, naughty, sweet, sexy, all at the same time.”

 

Why is it, that when we fall in love, we start behaving like retards. At a moment where we want to show our selfs from our best side, being in love makes us blind, foolish, unfocused and behaving like morons.

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 36: “… the way he looked at me. Shy, naughty, sweet, sexy, all at the same time.”

After the 70 days, part 35: 7 reasons why guys leave in the middle of the night.’ (He needed to poop.)

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Recently I’ve experienced a guy sneaking out in the middle of the night after a couple rounds of amazing sex. Waking up alone in the bed, while I was pretty sure there was a guy next to me when I passed out, felt weird. Yet I like to have the bed for myself, so I couldn’t be bothered that much. It did got me thinking; Why would a guy leave in the middle of the night:

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 35: 7 reasons why guys leave in the middle of the night.’ (He needed to poop.)