Tag Archives: tinder

“This guy was too normal for me.”

Dating in my thirties is more confusing than I had expected. You’d think that wisdom comes with age and therefore, people would be more mindful, respectful and confident. But what I found is that most 30+ singles are lost. Some singles seem desperate, others bitter, or broken, some already hit their middle-crisis… The romantic experiences have fucked us up hard. Once you’ve experienced rough heartache or a toxic relationship, maybe infidelity or betrayal, it’s difficult to keep believing in romance, or even worse, maintain confident and with that, stay attractive.

I’ve been single now for almost 9 years. Really single. I have not been exclusive with anyone since. I did fell in love once or twice. Other times I almost fell in love, but their true colors showed soon enough to bail out in time. For some short periods I’ve had friends with benefits, but I haven’t had one of those in a while now and that’s becoming a bit frustrating.
I am not interested in a serious relationship this time in my life, not sure if ever, but do have physical needs. A friend with benefits, preferably close-by, would be great. So I’ve been shopping for it, without luck. Most men turn me off.

The latest date I went on was with a guy 8 years older; tall, strong, organized, driven and located at walking distance from my place. But I learned lessons, and didn’t have any expectations when arriving. We met for drinks at a beach bar. I went for wine, he went for some special beers. But, he tried to impress too much. Conversation was okay though, he didn’t come across like an idiot, he knew how to keep me entertained with his stories. We said goodbye, kiss on the cheek, and told each other to meet again another day.

Our next date was at his place, I came over for a cup of tea. It was too awkward. He seemed a little nervous, maybe insecure or something, which doesn’t match with his physics and his professional background. His house was tidy. And the interior was VERY predictable for a bachelor his age. He met all expectations one could have from a well organized 40 year old single man. Both in what his house looks like, and also in how he spends his free time.

But what would it matter if I’m not looking for relationship material…? Sigh; for me it’s a sexual turn off when a man is predictable and non-authentic. Instead, I tend to get turned on by weirdos, guys with unique characters. Men who don’t fit a specific profile. The rare breed. Probably because I’m a weirdo too. This guy was too normal for me.

“… it felt as if it was his very first time…”

It has been a while, not just the writing, but also activities to write about. My last date that resulted in action was on Valentine’s day. So that’s over 4 months ago. It was not a success. The date was, the action wasn’t.

Again a Tinder story, how else is a busy person supposed to find some bed time adventure these days… An Australian expat, which, based on my previously published statistics , would mean good sex guaranteed. Valentine’s day was on a Thursday this year. We agreed to meet in a city closer to my place than his, bit later in the evening and go on a bar crawl.

I already saw him looking around, a little lost and confused, to find the first bar on the list, a local beer brewery and bar. We greeted each other and walked in for our first drinks. We chatted, had good laughs, all easy going and fun. We continued to another beer bar, continued convo. Upgraded to a wine bar, after which we went to a cava bar. It was quiet in town, especially considering it to be Valentine’s day.  I’d expected it to be busy with couples having dinner and drinks, but it wasn’t at all. The bartenders were happy to see some happy people (the two of us) walking in late for some cava tasting. Their enthusiasm resulted in the two of us drinking a lot. Too much as I was supposed to drive myself back. I had already started to drink a lot of water, trying to stay just as sober enough to be able to drive.  When we walked out, I hinted him he’d be going back to the train station to catch his last train. I noticed he was stalling, to intentionally miss it. On our way to the train station he stopped and started kissing me. He was a decent kisser, so I decided to take him home.

Once home, we started making out on the couch. Although he had been a good kisser, all other things he did were not of great quality at all. I thought it might be because he was getting over-excited that he lost a bit of self-control. We went to my bedroom and he started to fuck me. To my unpleasant surprise, it felt as if it was his very first time having sex. He was so clumsy, spastic, a-rhythmic and didn’t seem to have any clue about the female physics.

As it was past midnight already and trains had stopped going, he had to stay the night. I dropped him off at the train station the next morning. He really took down the average score for Australian men. What a disappointment. Hopefully something good again soon to get rid of this bad memory and association with sex.

“… he walked into the house and gestured me to follow.”

Tinder and I are in a love/hate relationship. It was yesterday that I reinstalled the app and created my account again after little over a month without. The exercise was less disappointing than previous times. There were actually some seemingly interesting guys in my radius, so plenty of matches. It had been a while that I actually used the app to chat with local guys. Previously I’d only swipe for expats or when I was abroad, as I’m generally not really into Dutch men. But there was this adventures looking local with who I matched and he started a conversation. After some chit chat, he asked me about my latest Tinder date. My reply was: “Deleted Tinder for some weeks. Had a 86 hours lasting Tinder-date in October. Needed some time to reset from that. Set up my account again today. But I’m still a bit anti. Not sure what I’m doing here really. How about you?”

Let’s go back to October:
I was on vacation in Hawaii and staying in a perfect Airbnb in a quiet area on the East side of Oahu. On a Thursday morning I sent out a random Good morning to one of the Tinder matches. Just for some local suggestions on where to go to and what to do in the neighborhood. We started chatting. Within a couple of texts back and forth we agreed to meet for coffee.

Continue reading “… he walked into the house and gestured me to follow.”

Private statistics

After my latest romantic failure, the easiest option for some distraction and fun would be Tinder. But, statistics….

As I keep track of my romantic and sexual adventures and I now have collected the bare minimum of sufficient date to analyze; here is some insight in the results so far.

Keeping a score card originally started to see if there was some sort of resemblance based on zodiac signs. But there is none, at least not in my list. Instead, there is a clear resemblance in performance when looking at origin/nationality.

I can confidently say that Australian men are by far better in pleasing me than Europeans or Americans.

The average scores on a 1 to 10 base:

8,0 AUS
6,4 USA
6,1 EUR

Not just from my own data, but also checking with the friends who have global experience, they have similar experiences.

The main difference I’ve experienced is that the Australian men seem to be more primal and unrestrained. No fuss, taking the lead and making it a fulfilling exciting physical adventure. All Australians scored 8 or higher, apart from one. This one took down the average because he was too drunk and fell asleep on top and inside of me, obviously resulting in a low score.

European and American men tend to be too self aware, too careful and therefor out of rhythm and making it less relax, less organic and sometimes even uncomfortable. European men do seem to have the biggest, but this hasn’t resulted in a better experience overall.

Unfortunately, there are little to none Australian tourist in town in this season, so it’s wine instead.

 

Part 54: ‘The moustache was a great indication of what I had to expect for the night.’

As I’m working in Finance, where numbers rule, I made some calculations regarding my sex life and romantic adventures. The conclusion is that I have made big steps on the activity ladder in the past two years, this compared to the first twelve years after becoming sexually active. Yet, it’s easily defensible. I’m thirty, thirsty and I hate men. Most men that is. And so the rare occasions I meet a guy I don’t hate, if the opportunity to have physical pleasure presents itself, I take it.

The latest adventure was with ‘Porn Mouch’. A Tinder match. He looked Ozzy. Continue reading Part 54: ‘The moustache was a great indication of what I had to expect for the night.’

Part 49: ‘…not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day.’

Impossible not to love the day of love, right? Even as a single, I love Valentine’s day. Without expectations, yet full of hope, I check my mailbox for anonymous cards, stare at my phone waiting for love declarations to come in, but they never do. This year, I would be not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day. While other years I would celebrate Valentine’s day with wine, movie, wine, sushi, more wine and optional a friend, this year, wine would not even be an option. But totally unexpected, Tuesday February 14th turned out to be the best Valentine’s day of my life so far.

The Sunday before V-day, I met up with an Australian guy who was visiting Amsterdam for a short 4 days. We had a match on Tinder and within a couple of texts back and forth, we decided to meet up.

Continue reading Part 49: ‘…not only single, but also sober on Valentine’s day.’

After the 70 days, part 37: “… bed bunk isn’t ideal for sex”

As mentioned in my previous blog, I decided to see if a heartache can really be cured by a rebound. Solely for research purposes. The best way to get a rebound in a blink is through Tinder nowadays, so I started swiping. It didn’t take long before I found some cuties. Including some tourists. Since the purpose was to find just a rebound, I figured a tourist would be ideal. I texted one of my matches I would be able to meet up for a drink that evening. He was happy to do so and asked me for suggestions on where to meet, outside of the touristic scene. I happened to know a really nice cocktail bar, located right in the middle of our individual locations. We met at 9 PM, which was pretty late given the fact that I had work the next morning, but I had some issues with time management that day. 

Continue reading After the 70 days, part 37: “… bed bunk isn’t ideal for sex”

After the 70 days, part 30; 10 emotional stages you go through on Tinder.

Tinder…. Always a topic when single. Always good for bad stories, or good stories. Let’s go through 10 emotional stages you go through while playing on Tinder;

1) Joy. Funny, all these people in all shapes and sizes. Some good looking, most not so much.

2) Shock. When you pass the occasional dick pic. Continue reading After the 70 days, part 30; 10 emotional stages you go through on Tinder.